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| The Stages of Coming Out |
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| Mark Hiser |
| You Are Not Alone
, 2002/05/13
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COMING OUT: The process, often life-long, in which a person acknowledges, accepts, and appreciates his/her sexual orientation as being gay or bi-sexual. This may eventually involve sharing of this information with other persons. One model (there are other models, too) of the coming out process is as follows: (adapted from Richard Troiden)
- SENSITIZATION: The person, often at a very early age, experiences feelings of being different from same-sex peers.
- IDENTITY CONFUSION: The person feels in turmoil and feels uncertain about his/her sexual identity. Often occurs in adolescence though, as with all the stages, it could occur earlier or later. Begins to think he/she is probably gay. This stage can last anywhere from a month to the rest of the person's life. May develop problems of guilt, secrecy, self-hatred, and isolation because of homophobia that is being internalized.
- IDENTITY ASSUMPTION: This may occur in adolescence or later. The person begins to define and understand him/herself to be gay and begins to accept this, especially as he/she begins to find and interact with other gay persons. The person begins to find ways to cope with being an "other" in society.
- COMMITMENT: The person begins to feel comfortable with who/she is and begins to act on who he/she is by entering into relationships with persons of the same sex, disclosing identity to other persons, and living a more complete and honest life despite the pressures of society. The person is probably willing to acknowledge his/her sexual identity to persons who ask and who offer some safety. Some become involved in educating other people about the issues so as to help eliminate homophobia.
Another model proposed by Eli Coleman:
- PRE-COMING OUT: The person is not conscious of his/her same sex feelings even though he/she may feel different from other people.
- COMING OUT: the person is aware of same-sex feelings and may start to tell other people or at least seek contact with persons who might understand.
- EXPLORATION: The person begins to interact with more gay people and begins to explore his/her new sexual identity. The person usually begins to develop a better self-image and better social skills.
- FIRST RELATIONSHIP: After some experimentation, the person may want a more stable relationship that is physical and emotional. First relationships often do not last long since the person has not yet fully dealt with coming out issues and tasks.
- INTEGRATION: The person’s private and public life begin to merge and the person leads a fuller, more integrated life that is not so compartmentalized.
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