Remember, when you come out the person you are telling may not always react as well as you expected.  But then, it may have taken you years to accept yourself, so be patient and helpful.  You cannot expect someone to immediately accept this new information about you.  P-FLAG has identified a model of behavior that you may notice.

• SHOCK: This may last a few minutes or a long time.  The person may have had no idea that you were gay, or are shocked that you are now sharing this information about yourself.
• DENIAL:  Denial is a way to protect oneself from something scary or painful.  This stage may last a short time or a long time. The person may exhibit anger, rejection, or disbelief. The person may believe that being gay is a choice, a sin, or a sickness.
• GUILT: The person may blame him/herself and think that being gay is a “problem.”
• FEELINGS EXPRESSED:  At this stage, your friend or family member may start to show more feelings such as anger or hurt.  They may say cruel things to you. But, they are also sending the message that they are staying in a relationship with you.  If they had rejected you earlier yet have decided that they can’t easily end the relationship, they come back to you at this stage.
• PERSONAL DECISION MAKING:  Emotions slow down, the person may retreat, but rationality begins to return.  The person begins to think about the information but may not be ready to talk, yet. He or she begins to consider options.  Some will decide to end the relationship. some will decide to love but not want to know about this part of your life.  Others may want to love and learn how to be actively supportive.
• TRUE ACCEPTANCE: Persons who reach this stage come to continue their love and understand and value your uniqueness. Some will become actively involved in gay and lesbian issues and speak out against oppression.