(English)

Dear AlterHeros Staff,

I have a relationship with a dear friend that has often bordered on developing into a sexual relationship over the last 6 years. For all intents and purposes we are in love with each other and have discussed that between the two of us. Many of our friends and family think that we have a full on relationship happening. The fact is that I wish we did have even though I recognise how unhealthy it would be. He is very possessive over me and has to know exactly where I am all the time. He has even bought me a mobile phone so that he can check on me. I find myself doing all manner of tasks for him from laundry to errands. Sometimes we kiss and often we sleep together naked without sex.

I have suspected for several years that he is gay. He has recently come out to me explaining that I am the first person he has ever told and that he loves me dearly but does not lust after me. We are not kids, we are in our mid 30s and have both had serious relationships in the past. His have been with women and flings with men. He has recently fallen in love with a man who is only 21 and financially very, very dependent on my friend. I am confused. It also turns out on reflection that one of my exs is gay and I have several gay friends. I have been introduced to the term fag hag recently but can’t find an expert opinion on why this phenomonen occurs so regularly of straight women falling in love with and almost “adopting” gay men. Any ideas?