First, I’m a 14 years old girl. Seven months ago, I realised that I felt something more than friendship toward my best friend and since then, I’ve started to have thoughts about other girls as well and some dreams too. The other day, my sis and I watched Star Wars episode 2 again, because we found Hayden (Anakin) so cute and sexy. But this time, I was more looking at Natalie (Padmé). I thought I might be bi, or lesbian, I don’t know. But I can’t deny my attraction toward women; it’s just too obvious that they turn me on. I’d like someone to help me, or at least to talk to me about that, but I’m not ready to “come out” and I don’t even know what I should say if I did, so I decided to email you.
Thank you very much for writing us. We’re glad that you found our website and we hope that it can provide you information and support to help you find our sexual orientation. If you haven’t already, visit our dossiers “Am I gay, lesbian or bisexual?” and “Comfortable in my skin”; they contain lots of useful information. By writing to us, you’re taking steps in the right direction. It’s not always easy, and the feelings that you’re experiencing are normal. Often, when one discovers that he/she is gay or bisexual, he/she hates himself/herself for being this way, because one might think that it is wrong to be gay or lesbian. Society tells us that it is wrong to be gay. Yet, it is normal.
You’re right; meeting other people who are dealing with similar issues may well help you sort this out and, at the very least, they’ll likely understand what you’re going through. If you live in Montreal, you’ve got many resources to choose from. Gay Line’s volunteers are always happy to talk, and they have lists of resources (866-5090, open 7-11 pm). There is also a local group called Project 10 that offers a drop in, discussion groups, one-on-one counselling, and other services (989-4585, open M-F 1-5 pm). Also, if you know a little bit of French, you suggest that you visit Jeunesse Lambda. This other local group is run by and for GLB youth. They organise discussion groups and activities every Friday night. It’s a lot of fun! Check out Mutual-Aid network for their contact information.
If you would like to talk to someone close to you, you should try to see who is open to subjects dealing with sexual orientation in your circle of friends, or family (uncles, aunts, friends, sisters, brothers, work colleagues, social workers, etc). Try to see how people react when you talk about broad subjects related to homosexuality, such as TV shows which include gay characters. By talking about homosexuality in a broad sense, you will be better able to evaluate how people react and whether or not they are open-minded to the subject – thereby helping you decide if he/she would be receptive if you talk to him/her.
Coming to terms with one’s homosexuality is a process that might take some time. Don’t rush things and don’t close any doors as well: you don’t know what might be hiding behind them. Don’t forget that what you are going through is normal. Accepting who we are is never easy, but it is possible. One can be lesbian or bisexual and happy.