Hi Teb,

Thank you for your question. Sometimes relationships can be so complicated! You are certainly not the only one who experiences this type of situation.

From what you’ve written, it sounds as though you think your boyfriend might like your friend, especially since the three of you are spending so much time together. You also seem concerned because your friend told you that she likes him. The simplest solution is to talk about it with your friend and boyfriend.

Before you seek your boyfriend out, try talking to your friend. Does she know that you’re in a relationship with your boyfriend? If she doesn’t, it is very important that you tell her. You should be able to share this kind of information with someone that you consider a friend. She might not know that her spending so much time with your boyfriend is really bothering you and hopefully, she will give you your space when she finds out. However, if she thinks he’s single, she has no reason not to try and hang out with him more.

If she does know about your relationship, it’s important that you tell her that you’re uneasy about how often you guys hang out together (at lunch, in the library etc…) and that you would really appreciate some alone time with your boyfriend. Let her know that you understand that she likes him but it bothers you that he always sits next to her instead of you. Ask her to try and see it from your perspective; if she were in your position, how would she feel if she saw her boyfriend spend so much time with someone she knew liked him? Tell her that you aren’t trying to push her away, but that you are just being honest with her about how you’re feeling. If she is a good friend, she’ll be able to understand and hopefully she will back off a little.

Secondly, have a casual chat with your boyfriend. Ask him what he thinks about your friend. Tell him that you think she’s cool but you’re starting to feel weird that you two are spending so much time with her. Emphasise the fact that you would really like to hang out just with him more often. See how he reacts and take it from there. You two should be able to talk about how you feel as boyfriend and girlfriend.

It can be really hard to have these kinds of chats with a friend or boyfriend when you’re worried about how they will react. Nonetheless, it’s important to be able to communicate these feelings so they know the real you and what you need in your relationships. Be brave and try to work things out.

Thank you so much for writing in to us and please feel free to write again if there are any changes or developments you want to discuss further. Good luck!

Sincerely,

K-Wo for AlterHéros