Hi Tori, thanks for writing to Alterheros with your question!

I understand that it can be stressful when you realize that your feelings for someone are more than friendly. You might start to wonder all sorts of things like if and how you should tell them, will they feel the same for you, can you stay friends if they don’t? That’s enough to make anyone confused about what step to take next. Let’s take a look at what some of your options might be.

You said that you and your friend flirt a lot, that you are always laughing and playing around. Although I’m not sure what you mean by ‘playing around’, I wonder how you would interpret these behaviours if they were with one of your straight friends? It’s important to remember that just because you are both bisexual, doesn’t mean that she can’t act the same way with you as she would with her other female friends. For example, two straight girls who are friends might laugh a lot, touch each others arms while talking, chase each other around, hug, and even hold hands sometimes. If you and your friend have a really close relationship then maybe what you are interpreting as flirting is just her way of expressing her friendship with you. However, it doesn’t necessarily matter if she has been flirting with you. If you have romantic feelings for someone and you feel that you can trust her then it is normal and brave to want to share those feelings with her. It’s always important to be honest with the important people in your life whenever possible.

You mention never having the chance to be alone with your friend, which is obviously very important because you do not want everyone else to be involved. Have you considered writing a letter or an email to her? This might be an interesting option because when you write something you can take as much time as you like and make sure that you say everything the right way before someone else sees it. You could also invite your friend to hang out alone with you outside of school (going out for lunch, shopping, or a to a movie) and tell her that you have something important to talk to her about. However you decide to tell her, make sure that she understands what your hopes and expectations are. Make it clear that the most important thing to you is staying friends with her, but that you wanted to be honest with her about your feelings.

Even though you said you already had a look through the other questions and answers on the Alterheros website, here are a few links to questions quite similar to yours. Check them out if you haven’t already!

https://alterheros.com/english/ask_experts/ask.cfm?QID=2104

https://alterheros.com/english/ask_experts/ask.cfm?QID=2089

https://alterheros.com/english/ask_experts/ask.cfm?QID=1989

No matter what happens, remember that it took you a lot of strength and courage to come out, be yourself, and be honest with your friend. Even if she does not have the same feelings for you, this doesn’t mean that you have made a mistake or that there is something wrong with you. You are taking a chance here. You are facing a risk and a challenge that a lot of people would be too shy to do and that is something to be proud of!

Good luck, Tori. I hope this has helped and that you come back to Alterheros if you have any more questions.

Hillary, for Alterheros