Hi Elias!

Thanks for writing to AlterHéros.

If I understand well, you’re unsure about your sexual orientation, and unhappy about it. Also, you feel depressed and lonely at times, even though you don’t really know why. If you don’t mind I’ll separate the two issues.

Since you’ve already tried sex with both genders, may I assume you were interested in both? That might mean that you’re bisexual or at least bi-curious. You say you didn’t find what you really want. Was it just not the right people? Casual sex can feel pretty empty and meaningless. Your dissatisfaction may only come from the lack of connection with your partners. If you don’t feel close enough to them, you can’t really open up and share desires and fantasies. Sex may be good, but not great, especially if you have some uncommon fantasies and don’t feel comfortable enough to talk about them to your partners.

You are also still young, and many people don’t find «what’s missing» in their life until they have more experiences. When they are able to figure out what they need, then they can find their true happiness. There is no formula for how long we have to wait to figure everything out. Some people discover it early in life, and others later in life. Both are normal. You will only realize what your life and perhaps, sex-life, lacks with time and self-awareness. When it’s time, it will become obvious.

About your feelings of depression and loneliness, if there’s no one around you that you trust enough, I would suggest to talk with a professional. They know how to listen, most importantly, you know it will stay confidential and they might be able to help you identify the causes of your feelings. Also, you could call youth or gay helplines. Those feelings, if you keep them inside, may become a burden, a poison. A good way to get rid of them is to talk about them.

I hope I could help a bit, feel free to write to Alterheros again, we’re always glad to answer any question you might have. I do hope you find happiness.

Virginie,

for Alterheros