Thanks for writing to Alterheros, I’ll do my best to help you answer your question.
You say that all your life, you considered yourself straight, but since your 14th birthday, you feel attracted to your best friend, and the attraction is mutual, you kissed and you miss him when he’s not around. The end of your letter was missing, I’m wondering if it was « does this mean i’m bisexual or bi-curious? » In any case, if it wasn’t, please send more info so that I can answer better.
At your age, I’m sure you know hormones start kicking in. You begin to feel sexual attraction towards certain people whereas before it was only platonic and « romantic » attractions in a naive way. I believe that at that age, some times, sexual identity may not be clear yet, and that takes time and experiences to know if your attraction is stronger for a sex or the other or if you like both and would have relationships with one or the other. I believe that a lot of adolescents are bi-curious, just that most people won’t acknowledge it. Most people I know had experiences with the same-sex when they were adolescents.
Take your time to make your experiences and do not worry so much about labels. If you want to try something, as long as you do it safely, it’s all right, go ahead. If you’re not comfortable with something, then you stop and think, take it slow. If you ever feel like you can’t breathe or that someone is squeezing at your throat, just take deep breaths, tell yourself that everything is okay. Sometimes even meditation-style breathing techniques could help you loosen that sort of physical tension that could arise from the emotional strain you are feeling.
Feel free to ask us any questions, it’s always a pleasure to answer!