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Accepting an Age Difference or Setting a Limit

The question must be posed, is it ok to date an older man? Different cultures have different opinions and it is certainly not unheard of in the gay community either. Of course, each of us has to decide for ourselves. It can be difficult to accept the differences posed by age which often go beyond the physical. So we each need decide if you need to have an age limit, and what it should be when looking for a partner or if age is really a factor at all. To help answer the question of how old is too old you need to ask yourself a few questions:

    • What do we both want to get out of the relationship? Sex, love, a long-term relationship. You need to know because it is not worth trying to get something that just isn’t there.
    • How will the age difference effect how we enjoy each others company, effect our morals, values and ideals. How will it effect the things we enjoy doing together.
    • Can I deal with the fact that if I stay with this guy for the rest of my life he is going to get a lot older a lot faster than me.
    • Can I deal with a bit of pressure from my friends and peers who might think negatively about dating older guys or large age differences?
    • Do I need or want my friends and families approval to see someone, and if so how do they feel about the subject?
    • If others, friends, or family disapprove can I be patient and wait for them to be accepting of the man I love?
    • Do I believe all older men are all perverts and only want sex? Well truthfully no there are just as many jerks, perves, and guys who are only out to take advantage of you who are your own age as there are older men who would do so. You need to be careful with anyone you date.
    • Am I losing out by dating someone who already has a lot of age earned experience under his belt as opposed to dating someone who doesn't?
    • Is his extra experience in life going to help me, and do I really want it?
    • Am I better off dating someone whose experience compliments my own who I can grow with on equal terms?
    • Am I mature enough to deal with a relationship on the same ground as him?
    • Are his ideas about relationships the same as mine?
    • Is there an age difference in my head already that I'm alright with and if so do I want to change it?
    • If I cannot accept his age and learn to accept the age gap between myself and him then should I be with an older man.

This is by no means a complete list of things you should ask yourself when debating whether or not to date an older man. Try to think of some of your own reasons and ask yourself just how realistic you are being, and are willing to be. Know one thing, if there is a doubt in your mind about dating an older man then you're best to try to deal with that doubt. Otherwise the relationship will not last. But do know it is your decision if you choose to date older men or not. You might be able to answer these questions without ever dating an older man, and you might need to date an older man just to see how you feel. Don't be afraid to give yourself time and remember you can always ask for time to think things over before you go for that second date. 

© 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001 Bear Youth

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