Hi Jonathan,

First of all, let me reassure you that you are perfectly normal with your questioning. Many of us have dreams of having a family, though sometimes our sexuality confused matters. Whether you are attracted to males or females (or both), you can still have a family, regardless of the gender of your future spouse.

If you are attracted to females, but “get really nervous and turned off by everything” when you try to date them, is it possible you are putting too much pressure on yourself?

Perhaps because your attraction to males is different than your attraction to females, you’re not recognizing the feelings of attraction to them. (But if you are getting turned on, your body has clued in to the attraction, even if your mind hasn’t.)

Continue exploring your attractions with an open-mind. I’m sure you will come to figure it out. But as we often tell questioning youth: there isn’t a timeline or a deadline for figuring out our sexual identities. Some people know at age 16 that they are gay or bisexual, others don’t figure it out until they are in their 40s.

Good luck!

Benjamin