Hi Kerry,

I understand that you can be confused and maybe shocked by what your husband has told you. I think he trusts you a lot as his wife to tell you what he really feels and what he really thinks. It is not easy to talk about questionning or exploring alternatives concerning sexual identities because of all the prejudices and taboo that are around this subject.

Hormone pills are not dangerous but it can have some risks if you dont take they seriously as any medicine. However, hormone pills cant do all the sexual transformations and the breasts will never be as large as a biological women’s breasts can be. In your message, you write you don’t want to support him if he chose to modify his body like his mind is. Why? It is because of a religion or values? Are you just don’t attracted by breasts? You also write about your fear he will then decide to do a complete sexual transformation. Are you talking about genital operations? If yes, is it because you will be no longer sexually attracted by him that you dont want him to do some chirurgies?

A deep conversation with your husband about his sexual identity should be very helpful for you two to understand the other but to understand yourself too. You are not sure of his thoughts, needs and intentions. In fact, you write that he always liked his male parts but that you are affraid he will want to change his entire body to be a female. Clarify with him his sexual identity, how he feels about his body and his intentions might help you to understand each other. Maybe it is such a fantasy/desire for him but he doesn’t want to start taking hormone pills or have an operation to have breasts now. Talking with him about the reasons why he want to have breasts can be a good way too. Some men want to have breasts because it represents maternity and for others, its because it represent the female’s beauty, sexuality and sex appeal.

I know it is not easy to start talking with him about his sexual identity but it is the most sure way to know what he really feels and want. Then, you will probably less worry about it. Finally, you two can also search information together about sexual identity (websites, books, organizations…) so it will be easier to talk about what you see/read/hear.

Sabrina, AlterHeros