Hi John/Mckayla and thanks for your question!
If you loved cross-dressing so much, but you’ve only tried it once, wouldn’t you like to try it again? This way you would know for sure if the happy sensation continues. Maybe you felt great because it was something new, but if you would try again over time, you wouldn’t have the same reaction?
If, when you get older you feel that you truly feel more comfortable as a woman than as a man, yes, you could look into the possibilities of hormone treatment and changing your name legally. However, you should think about the real reasons why you want to do this, which is a quite serious transition to go through if you’re not 100% sure about it. Think of the reasons you want to transition. If you think a lot about everybody around you and how they would react, this isn’t an ideal reason to go through such major changes. If you really believe that changing would make YOU more confident and comfortable in your body, then by all means, go for it!
If you find yourself thinking you don’t want people to know that you were once John, perhaps that could be a bit deceitful. People who truly love you would understand that you were once a biological male and still be willing to accept you with your new feminine body and name.
If you meet new people and tell them you were born Mckayla, this may stem partly from the fact that you are unable to accept yourself as a born male who transitioned into a female body and identity. There are ways of explaining your situation so that they can understand your point of view. For example, instead of saying “I was born a girl”, you could say “I was physically born with a boy’s body, but never felt quite like a boy on the inside. I felt I had always been a girl but was just assigned the ‘wrong’ body.” This could make them more able to accept the way you think and feel, rather than flat-out deceiving them. Of course you don’t have to disclose all of this personal information to every new person you meet. However, being truly intimate with someone will be difficult for you if you choose to keep such a big part of your life secret. In the latter case, you might feel as if the people who love you don’t really know you.
There is a lot to consider before taking these big steps, and in general, a doctor will not simply allow you to take hormones without putting you through psychological monitoring. Also, it is unlikely that at this point in time, a physician would accept to start you on hormones. This is mostly based on your age. But for now, you can always discuss it with your family physician, although you need to ensure confidentiality if you are not ready to come out to your family members-if your parents are seeing the same doctor, for example.
If, when you have thought it through and taken time to decide your final path, you feel this is the best solution, then only at that time should you concentrate on changing the physical aspects of your body (and name). Until then, you can do some research on the internet or speak to an older person you trust, or even your doctor if you feel comfortable talking to him or her about this. I would also recommend joining online or real-life groups of people with the same issue… There you might find experienced individuals who may help you come to terms with your gender identity. Eventually this decision may become an easier one to make.
Good luck and feel free to contact us at any time, if you have more questions!
Dee, for Alterheroes