I wish I was a girl and I cross-dress in private
Ever since I can remember, I used to wish I was a girl. As a child I would wait for my parents to leave so I could wear my mother’s clothes, which was almost every time I was home alone. This continued into my teens and when I discovered masturbation. I would dress up and it would arouse me a lot and I would masturbate. I had a girlfriend once and sometimes I could only ejaculate during intercourse if I imagined myself as her. Later in life I discovered drugs, and started to alter my body on speed drugs (verified by a doctor) but it had some negative effects on my health.
I continued to do drugs as a ‘feminine release’ for years. Now that I have stopped doing drugs I feel empty inside because that release is gone. I still masturbate only to the thought of myself being female. The urge to become a girl is still there after ejaculation (with decreased libido) but not as prominent. I still cross-dress in private. I am masculine IRL and people don’t suspect much (besides my long hair). I am VERY envious of females it hurts a lot. Help!
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