#crush on friend
#homosexuality
#new relationship
#same gender relationship
10 January 2010

How do I tell him I have a crush on him now that I know he's gay?

So I’m gay and I met this guy I knew is gay here in college. During our free time before classes started we hung out practically every day, and to this day we hang out as much as we can but with a couple of other friends. But ever since then I’ve had the biggest crush on him. He recently came out to us (even though he didn’t know I already knew), but I don’t know if he knows that I am. There has been many occasions were I’ve planed to tell him about my crush. Now I feel that it is the time but certain emotions keep me from telling him this. I am thinking the next time I get to hang out with him alone to confess … but I need someones help.

Dee Gamme

So I’m gay and I met this guy I knew is gay here in college. During our free time before classes started we hung out practically every day, and to this day we hang out as much as we can but with a couple of other friends. But ever since then I’ve had the biggest crush on him. He recently came out to us (even though he didn’t know I already knew), but I don’t know if he knows that I am. There has been many occasions were I’ve planed to tell him about my crush. Now I feel that it is the time but certain emotions keep me from telling him this. I am thinking the next time I get to hang out with him alone to confess … but I need someones help.
Diego

Hi Diego,
thanks for your question!
It’s always intimidating to admit to someone that we have feelings for them. Some people wait years before admitting it. And at that point, it’s often too late to change the course of time or make up for lost time. It does happen, but rarely. Because of this, I always feel it’s best to announce your crush as soon as you are mentally prepared to. It might spare both you and your object of affection sadness and anticipation.
In your situation, you already know your friend is gay-friendly, being gay himself. Perhaps you can begin the discussion by simply letting him know that you are also gay. He came out to you and your other friends, and that took some courage. Definitely, he wouldn’t be offended if you were also gay. However, since you already knew his orientation before he announced it, perhaps he has the same feeling about you. Maybe if you admit to him that you are gay, he could say “DUH i knew that!” 🙂
This is one step in the right direction. Once he KNOWS your orientation, it might be easier to explain your affection towards him. It doesn’t necessarily need to be done all in one shot though. Take your time, try to gage his reactions before revealing your feelings.
Understand that revealing your feelings could change your friendship dynamics. If he is a true friend, he will not turn his back on you. But if he is not into you the same way as you are into him, he might feel awkward around you after your announcement. This is the risk you must take if you decide you cannot keep your secret to yourself. It’s a hard thing to choose. Risk your friendship, or risk never being in a romantic sort of relationship with your friend. Both possibilities could end badly, but the up side is that they could both end up in a posotove way as well. Nobody can really tell until you decide what’s best for you.
Know that the worst that can happen is that your friend is not interested. There are plenty of fish in the sea if this happens. You are young and will meet plenty of other nice guys. But if this is the guy for you, make your move. Don’t be too forceful, but let him know you really do care about him and don’t want to ruin the friendship. Hopefully he will understand, and maybe he will even return your feelings!
Good luck!
Dee for Alterheros

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