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If she doesn’t like me, why does she make out with me?
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If she doesn’t like me, why does she make out with me?

Question asked by Chelsey (16 years old questioning woman from United States of America, United States of America)

Question answered on February 6, 2010 by

Sorted in Abuse, Friendship, Questions

K I have this best friend we have been friends for a year and a half and I have liked her a year into it. I told her I liked her and she says she doesn’t but she Will kiss me, make out with me, and hold my hand and lay on me and she will let me hold her. But everytime I ask her she says sorry no I don’t like you. I’m so confused does she like me? She knows I like her but when I say I like you she stays away but when I say I don’t like you she attacks me in a very sexual way and basically f’s me. What should I do?

Hello Chelsey,

Thank you for writing to AlterHeros with your questions.

You shared with us that you have feelings for your best friend. You have told your friend about your attraction to her, but she has told you she does not feel the same way. Even though she said she does not like you, your friend continues to act in a physical way towards you. The behaviour of your friend is causing you some confusion and mixed up feelings.

I understand that this can be a troubling situation to be in. Sometimes, teenage years are filled with uncertainty and mixed feelings. This is especially true when love interests are thrown into the mix! Rest assured that you are not the only one to feel this way.

I would like to start out with the idea that your friend may be going through a period of self-exploration with her sexuality. It could be possible that she is just starting to investigate her attraction to other females. If this is the case, then she may not be fully comfortable with the idea of having a relationship just yet. Give her some time to understand her feelings and attractions as she may be having conflicting feelings about her sexual orientation.

Your friend may also be manipulating your feelings for her own gratification in some way. While this does sound cruel and hurtful, the way in which you describe her actions makes it seem like she may be doing them on purpose. Consider asking your friend why she acts this way towards you. In other words, even though she says she does not like you in that way, ask her what she gains from this.

No matter what the cause of your friend's behaviour is, it is important to talk to her about it. Her actions towards you seem to be causing unnecessary emotional distress and confusion. Consider having a serious discussion with her about her behaviours and explain how they make you feel. If she is a good friend, she will understand that this is upsetting you and will stop playing with your feelings. However, if your friend continues to upset you with her actions, it may be best to prevent them from happening. For example, you could try to remove yourself from situations that put you two in an environment where kissing and making out is likely to happen.

If you feel like you are not ready to confront her about this situation, you can find a trusted adult to help navigate this issue with you.

I hope that this provides you with some insight about this situation. Feel free to write again if you have any additional questions.

For Alterheros,

Kelley

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About

Kelley is currently in her last year at Concordia University, studying Psychology and Interdisciplinary Studies in Sexuality. For two years, she lived and worked in the university residence halls as a Resident Assistant where she played an active part in aiding the residents as they made the change from high school to university life. In high school, Kelley was a member of her school’s gay-straight alliance. She held the president role in her last year where she led meetings and organized events to foster the growth of a tolerant campus.

I’m interested in being apart of AlterHeros because I have a passion for helping others. I feel that it is important to have an online resource where people can come to with their questions and have them answered in a relatively private setting, especially for those who may face discrimination in their home setting for coming forward with these types of questions.

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