I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy, but my parents would never let me do the things I wanted- the only sports they would let me play were the ‘girly’ ones- figure skating, ringette, soccer, cheerleading, ballet, gymnastics, etc. I guess maybe they figured something out about me at five that it took me years to realize: I’m gay. (My hands are shaking just typing that) I have a girlfriend, the most beautiful, awesome, smart, funny girl in the world. I love her. Nobody knew about us until yesterday, when her mother caught us kissing when we thought nobody was home. We’re no longer allowed to see each other and my parents are sending me to Catholic school, because apparently ‘this would never have happened in a Catholic school’. They’re really, really, really angry. I’m- so many things. I’m terrified, I’m scared, I’m angry, I’m confused, and I’m really depressed. I just want to die, or run away from home and leave this hick town forever. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
I would like to salute you, first of all, for being brave and seeking help. I truly believe that a problem shared is a problem halved.
I too, was in the same situation, as many other LGBT, when I was younger. It never dawned on me something that seemed so harmless could eventually end up changing my life. It took me a long time to accept, and for the longest time, i believed that there was something wrong with me – as many others mistakenly do, too. I was about your age when I started to accept myself for who I was, and let me assure you that you’ve already made a big step in your life by learning to accept who you are. My parents, also, tried to steer me away from anything that seemed ‘abnormal’ for them, and for a long while, I repressed a lot of my feelings and desires in order to please them. Maybe you felt the same way.
I want to reassure you that it’s completely normal to feel a variety of emotions. But emotions, just like life, are constantly changing. The future may seem bleak now, but just remember, there is always hope. Time is a great healer of things, and even though, it may seem that by dying or running away may be the easy way out, do you really want to run away from something that is part of your very being?
Though I do not know you personally, nor do I know your parents, I do know that many parents faced with a dilemma, often jump to rash decisions without properly thinking it through. It may be the case that after some time has passed, they may reconsider their decision. I strongly suggest that you pursue your parents by discussing the situation with them. I think it is important for them to know that being gay is not going to disappear by going into another school. I believe that once the initial shock dies down, your parents will be more understanding to your situation.
As for your depression, unfortunately, you didn’t mention where exactly you are located, but here in Montreal, there is a great resource that you may be interested in. It is an anonymous chatline called Suicideaction, which you can reach by telephoning (514) 723-4000 in Montreal or 1-866-277-3553 elsewhere in Quebec. It is a resource that is 24/7 and offers a professional service if ever you are considering suicide or even if you need someone to talk to. Suicideaction would be a great place to start. If you are elsewhere in Canada, here are some resources you may find helpful:
Girls and Boys Town: 1-800-448-3000
EO Teen Hotline: Ohio-based but toll-free in the U.S. and Canada; teens can also receive help via email. (800) 272-TEEN or (800) 272-8336 http://www.neoteenhelp.org/
In addition, if you’ve ever run away and come back to angry or upset parents, perhaps you can look over this website with them. It is based in Ontario, but has useful info that would open your parents’ eyes if you are getting frustrated trying to explain things:
Whilst hope is alive, you will be able survive through anything.