Hi Serena,

Thanks for submitting your question to Alterheros. It sounds like your going through a tough situation. A few things to consider before you lose all hope = ) (because you will be able to find a girlfriend, its just a matter of time).

First off, you say you «can’t just go up to a girl, tell her I’m bi and ask if she is too»…however, if you think about it, you wouldn’t normally go up to someone and ask them out without first talking to them and getting to know them a bit. Furthermore, you wouldn’t normally go up to someone and tell them your sexual orientation first and then ask them theirs – I think the fact that you said that points to your discomfort in sharing that information about yourself, and also her uncomfortable reaction to being asked to share that personal information about herself- especially right off the bat. So to start off with those statements is probably not a good idea.

Instead, try to feel her out, make friends with her first and see how you get along. Normally, you can find out through your daily conversations whether she is romantically interested in men, women or both. From that point, you can just make sure that if she is only interested in men, that you maintain a platonic relationship with her, while being honest with her that you are bisexual. And if she is interested in women as well, you can pursue her romantically.

Your question didn’t specify your age, so as for finding a girlfriend, and other women who are interested in women or both men and women, a general suggestion is to join LGBT organizations, (for example, many schools have gay-straight alliances) or find out in your local community, clubs, bars and dance clubs that are gay-friendly. Finding someone you like takes time and patience, but granted the more careful you are in your choice, the more likely you’ll be satisfied with your partner.

I hope this has has helped you somewhat. Please don’t hesitate to answer should you have any further questions.

For Alterheros,

Evelyn