Hi Andrew, thank you for writing to us with your question.
I can't tell through your question whether or not you consider yourself to be a transgendered person, or not. For the purposes of answering your question though, I will be assuming that you do consider yourself to be transgendered. Just to clarify, a transgendered person is someone who was born with a different sex than they desire to be and who challenges the notions of what it is to be male and female. I want to reiterate though that there is nothing wrong with wanting to keep yourself label-free if that is in fact what you are deciding to do. The only reason why I am specifying the transgendered label here is to better refer you to the right services and resources.
It is so unfortunate, but also more common than most of us are aware of, for doctors to discriminate against patients for a variety of reasons (being LGBT definitely topping the list). Although I am aware that this happens, I'm wondering what makes you think that doctors in the UK are unwilling to help transgendered people? Have you spoken with a few doctors and had bad experiences? Also, are you referring only to medical doctors, or also psychologists and psychiatrists? In regards to communicating with a medical doctor you would only do that in order to get advice and referrals for the castration and sex-change process should you decide to pursue that. I definitely recommend that you seek out a therapist who specializes in trans issues, in order to discuss your concerns and maybe explore this part of yourself in more depth. This might help you to be better understand your feelings and find a way to be more comfortable with them. Furthermore, in many countries it is necessary to have spoken with a therapist in order for them to proceed and go forward with any kind of sex-change procedures (castration included). You might want to check the legalities in your region.
I also understand your fear and reluctance to becoming involved in some groups as they can often appear to be exclusive, intimidating, and participants may seem more prone to unsafe and dangerous situations should communication not be exact between partners. Being a submissive, transgendered, gay man does not mean that you need to participate in BDSM or any kind of fetish activities. If that is something you are interested in though, there are groups that are rather well regulated and where you could feel free to experiment in safety.If however, you are looking for a group of like minded individuals to act more as a support group right now, then perhaps one of the following, UK specific, links might point you in the right direction:
Good luck, Andrew. I hope that you find a doctor that makes you feel relaxed and comfortable discussing all of these details. It is so important to be honest with your doctor, and hiding any information due to shame or fear of discrimination could have unfortunate consequences.
Please don't hesitated to write us again if you have any further questions!
Hillary, for Alterheros